Lately.

I have been thinking a lot recently. Mostly about how much I love my daughter and my husband. But for some reason I've been having a lot of flash backs to my labor/delivery. If you have been around my blog for a few months (and read my posts) then you would know how much I desired a 100% natural labor/delivery. You would also know that I always said that our health was #1 when it came down to it.

Before I had Claire I read many, many horror stories about women who wanted a natural birth but the hospital/doctors weren't supportive and they ended up enduring every intervention under the sun. I didn't really have any doubts about my midwife or the hospital. I picked a midwife and that particular hospital for a reason. I did, however, have some doubt in my ability to actually get through labor without pain medication. I wanted to do it so badly and although I had doubts of my ability, I still wasn't afraid.

At my 40 week checkup(it was on Friday 21st) my midwife explained that she would let me go through the weekend and check my fluid levels the following Tuesday. She also told me that she doesn't like seeing her patients go over 41 weeks due to possible complications with the placenta. I DID NOT want to be induced so decided to have her strip my membranes. I hoped so deeply that it would give my body the jumpstart it needed to start labor. I went home and started trying everything possible to start/induce labor. I tried multiple breast stimulation sessions, accupressure, bumpy car rides, sex, eating spicy foods, and long walks. Earlier at my appointment, my midwife told me that I could try anything I wanted to but if my body wasn't ready, it wouldn't make a difference.

very grainy/crappy cell phone shot of me on Sunday 40 weeks & 2 days pregnant

 Apparently my body wasn't ready. I made it through the weekend and on Monday, I was even more pregnant than I was the Friday before. I was super disappointed but figured that I still had a day before my ultrasound to go into labor. Nope, that didn't happen. We got up Tuesday and loaded my hospital bags, just in case.

Fast forward 10 or so hours.

I remember my contractions speeding up and being directly on top of one another. They were long and the time in between seemed the be miniscule... like maybe 20 or so seconds. I was exhausted and I was having trouble breathing. My midwife got me to drink some apple juice. She said the sugar may help me gain some energy. That didn't help so I asked them to turn my ipod on. I had previously made 2 separate 'labor lists'- one upbeat, and the other relaxing/inspirational. The relaxing one was the list of choice during the last 3 hours of my labor/delivery.



This song is forever burned into my memory. I listen to it and cry. I remember the love in that delivery room. (I'm crying as I type this... like a baby) I even felt love from the nurses and my midwife. True love that floated through the air kept me going when I wanted to thrown in the towel. The positive and loving words that my mother-in-law and mother and husband and nurses shared consistently, relentlessly gave me just what I needed as I used everything in my body to push pain out of my mind and push my baby girl into this world. I can't put into words how loved I felt. I have a very loving family (both mine and Matt's) and nothing to date can touch on how amazing that night was.

Pachelbel Canon in D was the song I walked down the isle to meet my husband-to-be and now it's the song I listened to as I birthed our daughter. What a beautiful coincidence. That song will never be the same.

If you are thinking about a natural birth, please please please try it. I promise that you will be so happy you did it. I swear the worst part was the act of pushing. And I'm not even talking about the baby coming out. I'm talking about the stamina it takes to push a baby out. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to physically do. Contractions are a little rough but visualization is your best friend, along with breathing. I have never, ever, in my life been so focused on anything. Also, ask your ob/midwife about borage oil and evening primrose oil. I swear th helped me move quickly in terms of dilation/baby's position.

Okay, if you read all this you rock and here are some special prizes for your awesomeness!

one of the two photos i have of us together... thanks to photo booth