Lately.

I have been thinking a lot recently. Mostly about how much I love my daughter and my husband. But for some reason I've been having a lot of flash backs to my labor/delivery. If you have been around my blog for a few months (and read my posts) then you would know how much I desired a 100% natural labor/delivery. You would also know that I always said that our health was #1 when it came down to it.

Before I had Claire I read many, many horror stories about women who wanted a natural birth but the hospital/doctors weren't supportive and they ended up enduring every intervention under the sun. I didn't really have any doubts about my midwife or the hospital. I picked a midwife and that particular hospital for a reason. I did, however, have some doubt in my ability to actually get through labor without pain medication. I wanted to do it so badly and although I had doubts of my ability, I still wasn't afraid.

At my 40 week checkup(it was on Friday 21st) my midwife explained that she would let me go through the weekend and check my fluid levels the following Tuesday. She also told me that she doesn't like seeing her patients go over 41 weeks due to possible complications with the placenta. I DID NOT want to be induced so decided to have her strip my membranes. I hoped so deeply that it would give my body the jumpstart it needed to start labor. I went home and started trying everything possible to start/induce labor. I tried multiple breast stimulation sessions, accupressure, bumpy car rides, sex, eating spicy foods, and long walks. Earlier at my appointment, my midwife told me that I could try anything I wanted to but if my body wasn't ready, it wouldn't make a difference.

very grainy/crappy cell phone shot of me on Sunday 40 weeks & 2 days pregnant

 Apparently my body wasn't ready. I made it through the weekend and on Monday, I was even more pregnant than I was the Friday before. I was super disappointed but figured that I still had a day before my ultrasound to go into labor. Nope, that didn't happen. We got up Tuesday and loaded my hospital bags, just in case.

Fast forward 10 or so hours.

I remember my contractions speeding up and being directly on top of one another. They were long and the time in between seemed the be miniscule... like maybe 20 or so seconds. I was exhausted and I was having trouble breathing. My midwife got me to drink some apple juice. She said the sugar may help me gain some energy. That didn't help so I asked them to turn my ipod on. I had previously made 2 separate 'labor lists'- one upbeat, and the other relaxing/inspirational. The relaxing one was the list of choice during the last 3 hours of my labor/delivery.



This song is forever burned into my memory. I listen to it and cry. I remember the love in that delivery room. (I'm crying as I type this... like a baby) I even felt love from the nurses and my midwife. True love that floated through the air kept me going when I wanted to thrown in the towel. The positive and loving words that my mother-in-law and mother and husband and nurses shared consistently, relentlessly gave me just what I needed as I used everything in my body to push pain out of my mind and push my baby girl into this world. I can't put into words how loved I felt. I have a very loving family (both mine and Matt's) and nothing to date can touch on how amazing that night was.

Pachelbel Canon in D was the song I walked down the isle to meet my husband-to-be and now it's the song I listened to as I birthed our daughter. What a beautiful coincidence. That song will never be the same.

If you are thinking about a natural birth, please please please try it. I promise that you will be so happy you did it. I swear the worst part was the act of pushing. And I'm not even talking about the baby coming out. I'm talking about the stamina it takes to push a baby out. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to physically do. Contractions are a little rough but visualization is your best friend, along with breathing. I have never, ever, in my life been so focused on anything. Also, ask your ob/midwife about borage oil and evening primrose oil. I swear th helped me move quickly in terms of dilation/baby's position.

Okay, if you read all this you rock and here are some special prizes for your awesomeness!

one of the two photos i have of us together... thanks to photo booth

Claire's Birth Story

We went to my scheduled appointment on Tuesday, the 25th to check my amniotic fluid level. I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant and I knew an induction was pending, though the exact date was unknown. While sitting in the waiting room, my midwife popped out to see me. She asked how I was doing and told me that she was probably going to induce me the following night, Wednesday.

Wow! I couldn't believe it. I mean, the moment I've been waiting for was finally here and I was incredibly excited, anxious, and nervous at the same time. Anxious and excited to finally meet my baby girl and nervous because I REALLY did not want to be induced. With all the research I've done, it seemed that women who had to be induced experienced such hard labor that they usually ended up with an epidural. The fact that I was already going to have one medication pumping through my body made me crazy, but the idea of plugging another one into my little girl put me over the edge.

My midwife went on her way and we waited a few more minutes until the ultrasound tech came and retrieved us for our check-up. We got to the back and she got right to work. She measured the baby's legs and a couple of other things before trying to measure her head. She was so far down that she couldn't really get an accurate reading, but estimated Claire's size to be 8 pounds 6 ounces. Next, she moved onto her heart. Come to find out, Claire's little heartbeat was really really fast. It kept jumping from the 160 range up into the high 180/low 190's. She immediately excused herself and went to get my midwife. I started crying and praying that my little girl was safe. She came back shortly and measured the fluid level. It was low. Dangerously low. My midwife finished up with her patient and popped in to check things out with baby girl.

Verdict was in, I was going to be induced that afternoon. I was going to have my baby. I was finally going to meet the precious little being that I've been growing in my body for past nine plus months. I was feeling more nervous and anxious than ever. Thankfully, Claire's heart rate went back down. The tech cleaned up my belly and we headed into an exam room to check my blood pressure and cervix position. Blood pressure was slightly elevated and I was 3-4 cm. Thank God. I was only 1-2 cms on Friday so my cervix was opening nicely.

I got dressed and headed up to maternity to be induced.

can you tell i was a little nervous??

We had to wait until more nurses arrived to get the pitocin rolling. In the meantime, my dad, aunt, and father/mother-in-law arrived. At 3:35 my nurse, Christy, came in and got the pitocin hooked up to my hep-lock. This was it, no turning back. I was going into labor. Real labor. No more Braxton-hicks contractions, real contractions. It only took about 10 minutes for them to start and when they did, they were already 5-6 minutes apart.

I labored on the ball for about 2 hours. My midwife came in at 5:30 and I was 5 cms. I decided to get into the tub because I was becoming more and more uncomfortable as each contraction passed. I was experiencing back labor and I was desperate for some relief. The tub felt incredible. The nurse put a towel across my stomach and told Matt to pour water over the towel during each contraction.

Speaking of Matt. Wow. What an awesome, amazing, incredible coach he was. He was by my side the.entire.time. He sat on the edge of the tub for about 2 hours. He would tell me jokes between contractions and poured water during them. Contractions were getting super strong at this point and I remember saying to him. 'It hurts so bad. It hurts so bad." He would look at me with the most reassuring eyes and tell me how amazing I was doing and how each one was bringing us closer to meeting our little girl. He was my rock and the reason I did such an awesome job bringing our baby girl into the world.

I got out of the tub because I had to got to the bathroom. I peed and pooped (sorry if TMI) and decided to get back on the ball. At 9:30 my midwife checked me again. This time, during a contraction. OMG it hurt like hell. Pure hell. This is where everything goes a little foggy for me... details are hard the remember.

Time stopped and I focused solely on birthing my baby. I got back in the tub. I remember getting out to get on the toilet. It felt better sitting on the toilet. That's when I started feeling the urge to push. It came and went. Some contractions, the urge was there, and other times, there wasn't a single ounce of desire. They moved me to the bed and checked me again. I think I was only 8 cms. I can remember being so disappointed with my progress and everyone telling me how great I was doing. Shortly after, my water broke. At one point, I remember hearing my mother-in-law handling her rosary beads.

They had me lay on my side and that, my friends, was an awful position to be in. I had them sit my back way up and I can remember putting my fists into the bed and lifting my butt away from the bed each time I had a contraction. It was around this time that I had them turn my ipod on. It was just what I needed to focus on my body.

The urge to push was so strong so my midwife checked my and I was 10 cms BUT there was still a small lip of cervix left. I got through a few more contractions when I started to hyperventilate. I was so exhausted and I was having a hard time breathing. They had to administer a small amount of morphine to help me relax. I can remember the room getting a little quieter. The pain was still immense but I felt a bit more calm. Soon after, around 10:30 pm, I started pushing.

For the next 2 hours I would push with every ounce of everything I had in my body. My mom, mother-in-law, Matt, and Christy held my legs, gave me water and apple juice, and applied icy cold wash cloths to my head, neck, and chest. I was so incredibly hot. I pushed on my back, leaning over the back of the bed, while 'playing tug-of-war' with a nurse, and using handle bars. I pushed so hard and for so long that I managed to break every single blood vessel in my face.

I was pushing and I can remember a burning and screaming at the top of my lungs. At 12:32 I opened my eyes for the first time in 2 hours eyes and it was then that I was staring down at my baby. My beautiful baby girl. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even muster a tear. I just kept repeating 'my baby, my baby'. I looked at Matt, who was still by by side, and the amazement that I saw in his eyes was/is indescribable.

welcome to the world Claire Marie

 letting out her first cry

the perfect size

They left her on my stomach for a while and Matt cut the cord once the cord stopped pulsating. I nursed her immediately and she did amazing. They took her away so the placenta could be delivered, which was not a good time at all. The cord ended up breaking and she had to manually extract the placenta. Yes. She had to stick her hand up inside me and retrieve it. It was treacherous. My midwife apologized the entire time she was doing it. Five minutes later she was stitching me up and Claire was placed back into my arms. She nursed again. I was so in love.

God blessed me so immensely that night and I couldn't be more thankful for this gift he gave us. 

I have had a beautiful recovery and Claire's already back up to her original birth weight. She is as healthy as a baby can be and she loves loves loves to eat! She wakes up so bright eye and bushy tailed that morning has officially went from my least favorite part of the day to my favorite.

Here she is today :0 ) 6 days old!

What's in the bags?

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I have my hospital bags all packed and ready to go! I do still have a couple of last minute things that I will get together when it time comes, and I still have a few things to pick up at the store, but for the most part they're ready to rock when this baby decides to come!

Here's what we have in our bags...

This is what I call my "at hand bag". It's the bag I will have beside my bed. It houses the following on the outside:
1. A few headbands
2. Deodorant and lotion for back/foot rubs
3. Shampoo, brush, and hair ties
4. Body wash ( this and the lotion are all Bath & Body Works Sleep Aromatherapy collection, cinnamon and vanilla, I think)
5. Camera and Ipod chargers

What you cannot see are the pockets on the other side- I have some nursing pads and my Point and Shoot camera tucked in them.

The contents of my "at hand bag" include the following:
1. Wireless Ipod charger
2. (2) Copies of my birth plan
3. Ipod loaded with a slew of both inspirational and ass-kicking music
4. On the Night You Were Born book. {I have been reading this book to Claire since like February and it will be one of my points of focus during labor and I also plan on reading it to her after she's born and while we're in the hospital.} 

I will also be packing my laptop in this bag. I will be in the hospital for at least 2 days so I will need something to do during  the day, or at least that's what I think ;) I plan on bringing a couple of movies for during labor, something to try to keep my focus away from labor, I'm thinking Don't Mess With the Zohan will have to be rented/bought because it's pretty much the funniest movie ever. {i have a bad sense of humor!}

My aunt bought this for me and I absolutlely love it. I was so undecided on which diaper bag to purchase. At first, I really wanted a Petunia Pickle Bottom but I was not about to shell out $175 for a diaper bag. I passed up on a beautiful Skip Hop messenger bag at a discount store (for like $16) when I first found out I was pregnant and I spent a lot of time kicking myself in the butt for it. In the end it all worked out and I couldn't be happier. It's plenty big for everything I will need for cloth diapering and yet it's not sooo big that I will end up over-stuffing it with unnecessary items. Here's what's inside Claire's diaper bag...

1. Wipes
2. Nursing Pads
3. Pacifier- Avent Soothies
4. Disposable diapers {only for the first few days. once the meconium stage has subsided we'll move straight into her newborn cloth diapers. once that happens we will have a couple of bumgenius all-in-one newborn diapers in the place of disposables, as well as a small wetbag.}
5. Coming home outfits & hat
6. Lotion & baby powder

1. 3 month coming home outfit
2. Newborn coming home outfit
3. Hat

Since I have no idea how big this little one will be when she's born, I decided it would be wise to bring a newborn AND 3 month outfit. A hat will keep her little body warm when we leave the hospital.

{OMG, I cannot believe the professionals at the hospital let you just leave with your baby. the concept, for some reason, is so hard for me to grasp. i feel like we should be required to take some sort of common sense and parenting 101 classes before they let us take our baby out of the hospital. anyone else feel like this, or am i completely nuts?!?!}

This is the clothing bag, the name is rather self-explanatory, but if not, read on and you will get a glimpse of what it contains!

1. Tank tops, cotton long-sleeved shirt/wrap & cotton skirt
2. Sports bra
3. Underwear- brief style
4. Socks (and I even packed the pair of non-slip ones I acquired while in the hospital a few weeks ago}

Since I plan on wearing my own clothes during labor, I have a couple extra articles of clothing. The tank tops are for walking through the halls, if I end up doing so. In my mind I will labor in my sports bra and skirt. This will make it easy for me to get in and out of the tub and will allow my midwife to easily check my progress and intermittently monitor baby Claire throughout labor. If I do decide to roam the halls, I can throw a tank top on over my bra and if I get cold, I have the long-sleeved shirt thingy if, in the rare event, I get cold.

1. Nursing top and comfy/silky capris
2. Nursing nightgown

My mom got these for me when she was up because she said I would need something "nice to wear" after giving birth! haha I love her. I also have another open-front sweatshirt thingy to wear post labor.

1. Shoes for coming home :)
2. (1) cotton swaddle and (1) fleece swaddle
3. Several pairs of socks
4. Swaddle blanket (aden & anais) for coming home- to cover her in the care seat.
5. Head bands

Her gown for her hospital photo. She'll also be donning one of the headbands shown above. This was another shower gift from my aunt. I just think it's absolutely precious.

1. Sleeping gowns.
I think these will be the easiest to maneuver on a newborn and should keep her nice and toasty when paired with a pair of socks and a swaddle. I have a feeling that these will be my best friend when it comes to bedtime :)

I will also be packing a toothbrush, toothpaste, my pillow, a boppy, gatorade, snacks for both Matty and I, a goody basket for the nurses, back massager (we're still currently using this bad boy daily), Matt's things, and my Canon DSLR & lenses.