Lately.

I have been thinking a lot recently. Mostly about how much I love my daughter and my husband. But for some reason I've been having a lot of flash backs to my labor/delivery. If you have been around my blog for a few months (and read my posts) then you would know how much I desired a 100% natural labor/delivery. You would also know that I always said that our health was #1 when it came down to it.

Before I had Claire I read many, many horror stories about women who wanted a natural birth but the hospital/doctors weren't supportive and they ended up enduring every intervention under the sun. I didn't really have any doubts about my midwife or the hospital. I picked a midwife and that particular hospital for a reason. I did, however, have some doubt in my ability to actually get through labor without pain medication. I wanted to do it so badly and although I had doubts of my ability, I still wasn't afraid.

At my 40 week checkup(it was on Friday 21st) my midwife explained that she would let me go through the weekend and check my fluid levels the following Tuesday. She also told me that she doesn't like seeing her patients go over 41 weeks due to possible complications with the placenta. I DID NOT want to be induced so decided to have her strip my membranes. I hoped so deeply that it would give my body the jumpstart it needed to start labor. I went home and started trying everything possible to start/induce labor. I tried multiple breast stimulation sessions, accupressure, bumpy car rides, sex, eating spicy foods, and long walks. Earlier at my appointment, my midwife told me that I could try anything I wanted to but if my body wasn't ready, it wouldn't make a difference.

very grainy/crappy cell phone shot of me on Sunday 40 weeks & 2 days pregnant

 Apparently my body wasn't ready. I made it through the weekend and on Monday, I was even more pregnant than I was the Friday before. I was super disappointed but figured that I still had a day before my ultrasound to go into labor. Nope, that didn't happen. We got up Tuesday and loaded my hospital bags, just in case.

Fast forward 10 or so hours.

I remember my contractions speeding up and being directly on top of one another. They were long and the time in between seemed the be miniscule... like maybe 20 or so seconds. I was exhausted and I was having trouble breathing. My midwife got me to drink some apple juice. She said the sugar may help me gain some energy. That didn't help so I asked them to turn my ipod on. I had previously made 2 separate 'labor lists'- one upbeat, and the other relaxing/inspirational. The relaxing one was the list of choice during the last 3 hours of my labor/delivery.



This song is forever burned into my memory. I listen to it and cry. I remember the love in that delivery room. (I'm crying as I type this... like a baby) I even felt love from the nurses and my midwife. True love that floated through the air kept me going when I wanted to thrown in the towel. The positive and loving words that my mother-in-law and mother and husband and nurses shared consistently, relentlessly gave me just what I needed as I used everything in my body to push pain out of my mind and push my baby girl into this world. I can't put into words how loved I felt. I have a very loving family (both mine and Matt's) and nothing to date can touch on how amazing that night was.

Pachelbel Canon in D was the song I walked down the isle to meet my husband-to-be and now it's the song I listened to as I birthed our daughter. What a beautiful coincidence. That song will never be the same.

If you are thinking about a natural birth, please please please try it. I promise that you will be so happy you did it. I swear the worst part was the act of pushing. And I'm not even talking about the baby coming out. I'm talking about the stamina it takes to push a baby out. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to physically do. Contractions are a little rough but visualization is your best friend, along with breathing. I have never, ever, in my life been so focused on anything. Also, ask your ob/midwife about borage oil and evening primrose oil. I swear th helped me move quickly in terms of dilation/baby's position.

Okay, if you read all this you rock and here are some special prizes for your awesomeness!

one of the two photos i have of us together... thanks to photo booth

Claire's Birth Story

We went to my scheduled appointment on Tuesday, the 25th to check my amniotic fluid level. I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant and I knew an induction was pending, though the exact date was unknown. While sitting in the waiting room, my midwife popped out to see me. She asked how I was doing and told me that she was probably going to induce me the following night, Wednesday.

Wow! I couldn't believe it. I mean, the moment I've been waiting for was finally here and I was incredibly excited, anxious, and nervous at the same time. Anxious and excited to finally meet my baby girl and nervous because I REALLY did not want to be induced. With all the research I've done, it seemed that women who had to be induced experienced such hard labor that they usually ended up with an epidural. The fact that I was already going to have one medication pumping through my body made me crazy, but the idea of plugging another one into my little girl put me over the edge.

My midwife went on her way and we waited a few more minutes until the ultrasound tech came and retrieved us for our check-up. We got to the back and she got right to work. She measured the baby's legs and a couple of other things before trying to measure her head. She was so far down that she couldn't really get an accurate reading, but estimated Claire's size to be 8 pounds 6 ounces. Next, she moved onto her heart. Come to find out, Claire's little heartbeat was really really fast. It kept jumping from the 160 range up into the high 180/low 190's. She immediately excused herself and went to get my midwife. I started crying and praying that my little girl was safe. She came back shortly and measured the fluid level. It was low. Dangerously low. My midwife finished up with her patient and popped in to check things out with baby girl.

Verdict was in, I was going to be induced that afternoon. I was going to have my baby. I was finally going to meet the precious little being that I've been growing in my body for past nine plus months. I was feeling more nervous and anxious than ever. Thankfully, Claire's heart rate went back down. The tech cleaned up my belly and we headed into an exam room to check my blood pressure and cervix position. Blood pressure was slightly elevated and I was 3-4 cm. Thank God. I was only 1-2 cms on Friday so my cervix was opening nicely.

I got dressed and headed up to maternity to be induced.

can you tell i was a little nervous??

We had to wait until more nurses arrived to get the pitocin rolling. In the meantime, my dad, aunt, and father/mother-in-law arrived. At 3:35 my nurse, Christy, came in and got the pitocin hooked up to my hep-lock. This was it, no turning back. I was going into labor. Real labor. No more Braxton-hicks contractions, real contractions. It only took about 10 minutes for them to start and when they did, they were already 5-6 minutes apart.

I labored on the ball for about 2 hours. My midwife came in at 5:30 and I was 5 cms. I decided to get into the tub because I was becoming more and more uncomfortable as each contraction passed. I was experiencing back labor and I was desperate for some relief. The tub felt incredible. The nurse put a towel across my stomach and told Matt to pour water over the towel during each contraction.

Speaking of Matt. Wow. What an awesome, amazing, incredible coach he was. He was by my side the.entire.time. He sat on the edge of the tub for about 2 hours. He would tell me jokes between contractions and poured water during them. Contractions were getting super strong at this point and I remember saying to him. 'It hurts so bad. It hurts so bad." He would look at me with the most reassuring eyes and tell me how amazing I was doing and how each one was bringing us closer to meeting our little girl. He was my rock and the reason I did such an awesome job bringing our baby girl into the world.

I got out of the tub because I had to got to the bathroom. I peed and pooped (sorry if TMI) and decided to get back on the ball. At 9:30 my midwife checked me again. This time, during a contraction. OMG it hurt like hell. Pure hell. This is where everything goes a little foggy for me... details are hard the remember.

Time stopped and I focused solely on birthing my baby. I got back in the tub. I remember getting out to get on the toilet. It felt better sitting on the toilet. That's when I started feeling the urge to push. It came and went. Some contractions, the urge was there, and other times, there wasn't a single ounce of desire. They moved me to the bed and checked me again. I think I was only 8 cms. I can remember being so disappointed with my progress and everyone telling me how great I was doing. Shortly after, my water broke. At one point, I remember hearing my mother-in-law handling her rosary beads.

They had me lay on my side and that, my friends, was an awful position to be in. I had them sit my back way up and I can remember putting my fists into the bed and lifting my butt away from the bed each time I had a contraction. It was around this time that I had them turn my ipod on. It was just what I needed to focus on my body.

The urge to push was so strong so my midwife checked my and I was 10 cms BUT there was still a small lip of cervix left. I got through a few more contractions when I started to hyperventilate. I was so exhausted and I was having a hard time breathing. They had to administer a small amount of morphine to help me relax. I can remember the room getting a little quieter. The pain was still immense but I felt a bit more calm. Soon after, around 10:30 pm, I started pushing.

For the next 2 hours I would push with every ounce of everything I had in my body. My mom, mother-in-law, Matt, and Christy held my legs, gave me water and apple juice, and applied icy cold wash cloths to my head, neck, and chest. I was so incredibly hot. I pushed on my back, leaning over the back of the bed, while 'playing tug-of-war' with a nurse, and using handle bars. I pushed so hard and for so long that I managed to break every single blood vessel in my face.

I was pushing and I can remember a burning and screaming at the top of my lungs. At 12:32 I opened my eyes for the first time in 2 hours eyes and it was then that I was staring down at my baby. My beautiful baby girl. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even muster a tear. I just kept repeating 'my baby, my baby'. I looked at Matt, who was still by by side, and the amazement that I saw in his eyes was/is indescribable.

welcome to the world Claire Marie

 letting out her first cry

the perfect size

They left her on my stomach for a while and Matt cut the cord once the cord stopped pulsating. I nursed her immediately and she did amazing. They took her away so the placenta could be delivered, which was not a good time at all. The cord ended up breaking and she had to manually extract the placenta. Yes. She had to stick her hand up inside me and retrieve it. It was treacherous. My midwife apologized the entire time she was doing it. Five minutes later she was stitching me up and Claire was placed back into my arms. She nursed again. I was so in love.

God blessed me so immensely that night and I couldn't be more thankful for this gift he gave us. 

I have had a beautiful recovery and Claire's already back up to her original birth weight. She is as healthy as a baby can be and she loves loves loves to eat! She wakes up so bright eye and bushy tailed that morning has officially went from my least favorite part of the day to my favorite.

Here she is today :0 ) 6 days old!

Business of Being Born

As you all know, I've become somewhat of an advocate for natural birthing. I haven't had the chance to overcome this feat, but in a couple of months I will {hopefully} have the opportunity. I watched this documentary a couple of years ago and I found it today on youtube for your viewing pleasure. I watched it again today and became even more knowledgeable and empowered to make this desire come to fruition. It's called 'The Business of Being Born' and it follows midwives of NYC and their patients. They interview medical specialists, some Pro-Midwifery (& at-home-births) and some that feel very strongly against midwives and home births. I, apparently, will not be having a home birth, but that doesn't mean that I (or you) cannot experience a lot of the same aspects. Here's the link to the documentary if you want to watch it on youtube, or you can see it here.

Natural Birth

Before reading this, please know that I do not hold any negative thoughts or feelings towards mothers who choose to receive any kind of medical interventions for their labor and delivery. These thoughts are here to merely keep things, for my sake, in perspective as I gear up for a planned natural birth. It should also be known that I am willing to do anything medically necessary to deliver a healthy baby, if that means c-section, fine, if it means induction, okie-dokie. Every mamma is different and there is never any shame warranted for giving birth, no matter how it's done. A healthy mamma and baby are all that matters. :)

Out of the 4.3 million babies born every year only 5% are born naturally. That means that out of 4,300,300 babies, only 200,000 are born via an un-medicated labor/birth. As if that seems totally crazy, consider this statistic:
1:5 births are induced, meaning that 20% of births are induced. Of the women that make up that 20%, only 16% of them were induced for medically indicated reasons.

Today my American Pregnancy magazine came. While leafing through it I came to another set of shocking stats! These stats compare labor today with labor in the 1960's. They are as follows.
% of moms given oxytocin to assist in labor: 31% compared to 12%
% of moms give epidurals: 55% compared to 4%
Hours to dilate from 4-10cm for first time moms: 6.5 compared to 3.9

Crazy huh? The one that shocked me most (for some unknown reason) was the huge jump in epidurals. I mean, of course no one wants to be in pain or uncomfortable if they don't have to but we, as women, are built to do one thing- give birth.

I am doing my best to educate myself in terms of understanding what happens during each phase of labor and how to do my best in supressing any tension and/or pain that may come along with laboring. Studies suggest that when women are tense during labor, it often makes the pain of contractions stronger, thus leading to more discomfort/pain. I have never given birth, so I cannot say whether I found this to be true or not, but I have come to peace with my decision to {hopefully} labor naturally, without the help of medications.

You can do it mamma!

I am practicing deep breathing, trying to exercise my ability to use visualization in stressful moments (being pregnant, Lord knows the stupidest things stress me out),  and honestly, my number one "motivation technique" is thinking about when Jesus was born. His mother didn't have an epidural or any other method of calming the pain. Mary gave birth to the one and only perfect person in a manger. If that isn't enough, I plan to visualize the love Jesus had for me when he died on the cross for my sins. You may be thinking I'm totally nuts by now for visualizing something so dark. But when Jesus died on the cross, he did so out of love, nothing more, nothing less. I love my baby and I am going to do everything in my power to give her the very best start possible.

If you are considering a natural birth, do yourself a favor- educate yourself! Education is such a powerful tool. Reading birth stories, watching videos of moms who birthed without fear, learn about different techniques for reducing or even eliminating the pain associated with birth. Study up on different labor positions. Read about birthing balls and how they can help you during all stages of labor.

 Through hours of research, I can finally say that I have no hesitations of 'going natural'. A month ago I would have told you that I wanted to have a natural birth, but there would have been a crack in my voice, and I would have admitted that I was a little weary of my ability to do so. Honest.

Additionally, there are things that you can do to prepare your body for labor by means of natural supplements. Of course, you will need to discuss anything with your Ob/Midwife before you start taking anything. After research and a discussion with my midwife, I decided to start using Evening of Primrose Oil (EPO) at 36 weeks. EPO has been shown to soften(ripen) the cervix. It will not put you into labor, ladies! It only gets things nice and soft so that when baby decides he/she wants to come, some of the work has already been started. Women who used EPO in the late weeks of their pregnancy had shorter, less painful births. All you do is prick a hole in the gel cap and insert it (vaginally) before bed. I've read that it could make a little mess down under, so a panty liner is necessary. I am also going to be taking Red Raspberry Leaf. This also, has shown to soften the cervix. It comes in tea or pill form. I haven't decided if I'm going to drink it or digest it in pill form. Once again, this will not put you into labor :)

Did you know that holding off on the clamping/cutting your babies umbilical cord could actually help them out? It allows more blood to flow to them, lowering their risk of anemia.
Delaying the cord cutting/clamping for 2-5 minutes can also:
increase infant's blood volume by 25%
increase infant's red blood cells by 50%



I wanted to talk to Jennifer (my midwife) about this and was afraid she would look at me like I had a third eye. Nope. She only agreed with me and told me how she usually gives the baby to mamma and will let her nurse the baby, and will actually keep the cord intact until the placenta has been delivered (if everything goes according to plan- baby and mamma are healthy). This means that Claire will not be taken from me until she has nursed, has had the opportunity to receive the remainder of her blood, and has a nice warm body temperature.

Ohh how I yearn for the day when she's placed on my chest and I get to kiss her and nurse her and breath her in.
{i'm going to stop now because i'm getting too emotional thinking about meeting her}

Happy Friday!

27 weeks :)

 how far along? 27 weeks!

Claire’s size: almost 2 pounds… about the size of a head of cauliflower           
weight gain: forgot to ask :)
maternity clothes? Of course
stretch marks? 3
sleep? Much better- see below!

best moment this week? Making her mobile

food cravings: Grapes. Finally a healthy craving!
gender: Girl!
belly button in or out? In, though it’s starting to flatten out!
movement? She’s becoming a lot more active during the day. She’s certainly making sleep/wake patterns.
what I miss?  Nothing this week.

what I'm looking forward to: Enjoying the rest of this pregnancy and letting lil miss Claire grow and of course, decorating her nursery!

So, I’ve been sleeping soooo much better since I’ve purchased a body pillow. Seriously, if you are uncomfortable at night and haven’t tried one, get one today! I got mine at Walmart for less than $10 (cover was an additional $8). Your body will thank you!

I made a mobile for above Claire’s crib this week. I know I like it but haven’t decided if I love it yet. I probably won’t be able to decide until it’s in place, above her crib.

I also got to spend some much-needed time with my baby sister. She and I spent a day in Buffalo shopping. I purchased an adorable dress for my baby shower, which only a few weeks away (I cannot believe it!). My husband’s friend told him about a store called ‘Once Upon A Child’. I found one in Buffalo and decided to stop in to see what they had to offer. If you haven’t been to one, see if there are any in your area!! They sell {very} gently used baby clothes and accessories. I mean they have shoes, toys, furniture, baby gear, and so much more! They also sell new products, which are sold at much lower prices than most big box stores.

I had an appointment Friday, which went PHENOMENAL! My uterus is still measuring 2 weeks ahead, but my midwife said she won’t be concerned until it’s measuring 4 weeks ahead. She told me that it doesn’t mean that Claire’s a big baby, nor does it mean that I have too much fluid.

Over the past 3 weeks, I have been doing a ton of research on natural labor/birth options. Everything from birthing/laboring positions to childbirth classes to when to cut the umbilical cord to supplements to help ripen the uterus for birth. She was so incredibly knowledgeable and really set my mind at ease. I wrote a birth plan and she seemed to already practice everything I knew I wanted {as long as Claire and I are healthy}. I discussed my preference on induction, which she replied that she will let me go up to 42 weeks as long as our health is good.

I was super excited when she told me that she would absolutely be there for the whole thing. This was something I was somewhat nervous about- seeing her the whole pregnancy and then having some random OB deliver Claire. I realize that it’s not the worst thing in the world, but it was something I really cared about. My midwife has been an absolute dream this whole pregnancy and I really don’t want my care in anyone else’s hands.

I came across a really awesome website for natural births. It has tons of birth stories and even videos. Some of them are kind of graphic, but you get used to it ;) It’s overwhelmingly empowering reading other women’s experiences. It’s nice to know that people actually survive an un-medicated labor and delivery! If you are thinking about a natural birth, check out BirthWithout Fear.

I picked out Claire’s coming-home-outfit this week. Needless to say I’m becoming more and more ready for her arrival! Here’s a peek:

Grow Claire, grow!