Hello friends!

Hey there! Remember me? Yeah, it's been for.ever since I've blogger but I haven't really felt the need to, aside from the fact that I don't have time or energy to these days. While I'm still pregnant, we are nearing the end and I'm getting super anxious to meet this baby boy!! Tomorrow we will hit the 35/35 mark and I can't believe it (35 weeks down/35 days to go for those of you who don't know what I'm referring to)!!

Here's a quick bumpdate to fill you in on the growing #teddybearbump  (weeks 22-33)

Here we are at 34 weeks vs when I was pregnant with Claire on the right. This little guy is low!

If you follow me on Instagram then you're probably sick of seeing my weekly photos but don't worry, this too shall end! Pretty soon I'll be blowing up your feed with a sweet baby boy 😊

Claire is growing into such a sweet little girl and I cannot wait to see her as a big sister. It's going to be an interesting ride but I'm so incredibly excited and blessed to be given another child. 

My Claire Bear

i do not have any idea when this little girl started looking so grown up, but goodness gracious, this girl is beautiful! i've been dying to photograph here is this precious dress i bought for here a few months ago. i am so happy with how these photos came out. i also can't believe my baby girl is already nineteen months old and will be two years in a matter of months.


she was chasing after a bird. the only way i could get her to stop running was to ask her to show me where the bird was and snap snap snap away!

i gave her a rock to hold because she 1. loves rocks and 2.would stay still for maybe two seconds in order for me to meter her and shoot a semi-decent photograph. This one is one of my favorites. Ever!

i am not entirely sure why she was looking at her feet but gosh, i love this photograph. it is so innocent and sweet and completely unstaged.

another sweet photo of her observing her environment. the next-door neighbor's dog was barking and i used that opportunity to my advantage. i kept asking her questions about where the dog was and what noise dog makes... and so on. she was engaged enough to stay in one spot long enough for me to capture this gem.

i hope to be able to get some nice photographs of teddy and claire together sometime in the very near future.

Postpartum: the second time around

Before having Claire, one of the most freighting thing about having a baby was the aftermath. I was freaked out after hearing horror stories from women and couldnt help be feel super anxious about what was to come.

After having Claire, I felt thankful for such an easy recovery. I had a second degree tear from her delivery and ended up with a few stitches. Of course it was uncomfortable, but it wasn't nearly as horrible as I had imagined. I think the worst part of recovery was the exhaustion.

You can read her birth story here.

If it wasn't exhausting enough going through such a long induction without any pain medicine, I ended up delivering at 12:32 am. Of course both sides of our families were still at the hospital, waiting for that little princess to make her grand appearance. So, after the nurses got my room cleaned up decent, everyone came in to see her. By that time, it was at least 1 am. After they left, I got to shower and finally got transferred to our recovery room... around 4 am.

Family shower up bright and early the next day to see our precious girl. Not that I blame them, but holy crap I was tired and couldn't rest with people coming in and out all day. I also remember my arms being so weak and sore from pushing, that I could just barely lift Claire out of her bassinet at the hospital.

When we were released from the hospital, I was still exhausted and weak weak weak!

Luckily, my mom had been holding down the fort at our house and "babysitting" our dog. We came home and she stayed a while to help us since Matt was still having a lot of trouble with his broken arm. (you can read about that nightmare here)

Each day, my arms got a little stronger. I very slowly regained my energy.

Claire took to breastfeeding really well, but I still was very sore for a few weeks. I realize I had an easy journey compared to some, but hot dang those first few weeks were rough!

This time around, everything was infinitely easier.

I am positive the fast and easy labor was a big factor in my recovery. Three pushes and BOOM! There was my boy.

I did tear again, but only the scar tissue from Claire's delivery so that was pretty easy to deal with. I wasn't nearly as tired (even though I didn't sleep the night before he was born) because he was born late morning. Nursing has been super easy this time around. I think I was only sore for 3 or 4 days. Waahoo!

I was lucky to only gain 12 pounds, all of which I lost within 3 days after delivery. Since then, I've been able to lose an additional 15 pounds. I'm at 5.5 weeks postpartum and I feel great (aside from being worn out from multiple nighttime feeding and a teething, miserable toddler)! I really need to work on getting rid of the jelly belly I have accumulated as a result of two children, and toning up my non-existing butt.. that I used to have!

I feel so blessed to have two healthy children!

I'm sooo going there.

I've been debating whether or not to write this post. And today, I finally decided to go for it.

First and foremost. What I'm going to "say" is not meant to attack anyone who has a differing viewpoint.

Second, I am not looking for anyone's opinion and I really, really am not going to debate anyone if they think I'm crazy or ignorant. I am neither of those and if you say I am, so be it. I don't judge people for making the decisions they make, so do not judge me. If you do, please don't bother telling me. It won't matter and your comments will not change my mind.

With that being said, I also want to add that the only reason I decided to write this is due to the overwhelming number of stories I've been reading regarding injured children. I am also writing this because I feel like I need to. I feel the need to share what I've learned because I don't think enough people question our society and the "norm".

Okay, there.

Off I go...

When I was pregnant with Claire, my mother and I had a serious chat about vaccines. We discussed what I was going to do once Claire was born. At the time, there wasn't any question whether I was going to vaccinate her. That's what I'm supposed to do, right? Isn't that what everyone does?

The conversation started after I read an article in Parenting magazine that scared the crap out of me. It basically said that if you don't vaccinate your children then you're basically signing them up for a laundry list of terrible infectious diseases. It criticized parents who chose not to vaccinate their children and blamed those parents for the the rise of pertussis and other diseases. I felt like I was making the right choice because I didn't want my precious daughter to get sick. I certainly didn't want her to get sick if there was something I could do to prevent it (by immunizing her).

If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you know how much time I spent researching natural labor/delivery methods while I was pregnant. During that research, I stumbled across an article about the Hepatitis B vaccine. Along with the vitamin K shot and eye ointment, the Hep B was one of the things on the "normal after-birth routine". After reading that article, I started to question whether it was necessary for my one day old to get the shot. I mean, she wasn't going to be sharing needles or having sex, so why should she need it?

Because it's routine?  Naah. That's not a good enough of a reason for my to give her a shot of something I don't think she needs.

That's when I opened Pandora's Box. Well, kind of like that.

That's when I began reading and researching and questioning the vaccines our children get.

I still hadn't decided whether or not Claire was going to immunized with all, some, or none of the recommended vaccines on the CDC's schedule. I did, however, decide that she wasn't going to get the Hep B vaccine.

After she was born, I had to sign a waiver that I declined the vaccine before I could even leave the hospital. I felt confident in my decision and no one made me feel inferior.

Once we got home, I started thoroughly researching everything that surrounds vaccines. I read peer-reviewed articles and vaccine package inserts. I watched several documentaries. I read medical studies and personal stories of vaccine-injured parents. I researched the diseases themselves- how you contract them, the risks associated with contracting them, and their prominence in the states.

Matt and I spent many hours discussing whether or not to vaccinate Claire, and in the end we decided to opt out.

When Claire went to her two-month well-visit, I expected her doctor to try to talk us into vaccinating her. He didn't though. He didn't even bat an eye. What I did find surprising was when his nurse quietly said to me "You're smart for waiting, and I wish more people would wait".

Ummm... seriously?!

I was floored. But in a good way. I thought we would walk out feeling belittled for making the unpopular choice to delay vaccinating our baby. It only made me feel that much more confident in our decision. Not that I needed anyone's approval to make it feel valid.

To be completely honest, the biggest reason we decided to delay them had more to do with my gut-feeling, not because of everything I had read. Or maybe I had that feeling due to the startling information I had read in the previous months. Either way, it was what it was.

Claire hasn't been vaccinated. Not a single one.

She's now 19 months old and hasn't had more than a fever. The three fevers she did experience were due to some extreme teething. Seems like she always gets 4 teeth in at a time... poor kid.

She's never had an ear infection. She has never had a cough. I've never had to clean up vomit.

Now, I must say that she doesn't go to daycare, so maybe that helps a little. However, this girl chews on her shoes, eats off tables when we are out to dinner. She drops things at church and puts them in her mouth, and even sucks/chews on the pews. Apparently shes never going to stop putting things in her mouth... kinda like a bad dog ;)

She managed to remain unscathed when I had the flu last year. She beat off the stomach flu that nana and papa brought to our house while I was in the hospital with Teddy... daddy ended up with it though.

I can't help but feel like our choice to skip vaccines have helped her. Her little (but strong) immune system has never been suppressed so it's always been building stronger and stronger.

Naturally, we have also decided to decline all vaccines for Teddy too.

Matt and I originally discussed delaying them until Claire and Teddy (and any of our future children) were ready to go to school, but after my continuous research, we have decided against them indefinitely.

Along with a healthy diet and exercise, I think we will be able to raise healthy children with strong immune systems. If the kids end up with an illness, I fell modern medicine will be able to help them get through it and give them permanent and natural immunity.

Here are some very powerful and eye-opening stats about vaccines that you may not know:
* Most of the children who get pertussis are those who have been vaccinated.  (read this)

*The risks associated with vaccinating your child are greater than the chance of him/her actually getting the disease itself.

* The DTaP package insert lists autism and SIDS as an adverse reaction (page 11, third paragraph):
"Adverse events reported during post-approval use of Tripedia vaccine include idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, SIDS, anaphylactic reaction, cellulitis, autism, convulsion/grand mal convulsion, encephalopathy, hypotonia, neuropathy, somnolence and apnea. Events were included in this list because of the seriousness or frequency of reporting."

* While the VAERS recieves 30,000 reports annually, the FDA estimates that only 20% of reactions are reported.

The following graph shows the amount of money that has been paid as a result of vaccine injury claims. The money awarded comes out of an account set aside for people that will be injured by vaccines. The money comes from taxes imposed on vaccines themselves. More info here.

This one breaks down the claims by vaccines. It also shows the number of injuries and deaths reported. The sad thing is that

source

This chart speaks for itself and needs no explanation.

source

How some of the ingredient in vaccines can effect the body

Here are some very informational websites/documentaries that we utilized to make our decision.
The Greater Good (video/documentary)
Silent Epidemic: The Untold Story of Vaccines (video/documentary)
Gianelloni Family (blog, with tons of links)
Vaccine Ingredient List
How "Vaccine Court" works

When it all boils down, you have to do what you think is best for your child(ren). Basically, you have to go with your gut, and that's what I did. But please, please, please, be informed.

Meet Theodore Leo

After being induced with Claire, I had really high hopes of being able to go into labor on my own with Teddy. While Claire's labor and delivery (read about it here) was an amazingly, beautiful experience, it was incredibly intense due to the Pitocin.

This is very lengthy! Sorry in advance.

The day before
Claire and I drove to my 39 week appointment on Wednesday afternoon, all by ourselves. Typically Matt would come with us but he has been on steady daylights and couldn't make it to this appointment. To be honest, I wasn't worried about it at all. I had a feeling that I was going to go past my due date, just like I did with Claire.

I thought it would be a good idea to put Claire in her stroller while we were in the doctor's office. She's a busy body and since I was going to have my midwife sweep my membranes, I thought it was the smartest thing to do.

We checked in and headed to the bathroom to give my urine sample. Claire had a couple little snacks and watched some Tom and Jerry while we waited to be called back. After about ten minutes the nurse called us back and started our check-up.

To my surprise, my blood pressure was high. Like 160/100 high. WHOA! How on earth could it be so high? I wasn't feeling stressed at all. As a matter of fact, I felt pretty great. I told the nurse how Jen was going to be sweeping my membranes and she laughed and said, "Really? She did another patient's yesterday and she delivered this morning!"

After hearing  that, I was officially looking forward to my procedure! I immediately started praying it would help get my body ready to go into labor by itself.

After the nurse left, my midwife came in. She started the appointment off by sweeping my membranes. Wow. It was painful. I remember it being uncomfortable when she preformed it last time ( when I was 40 weeks pregnant with Claire) but holy cow! Oww weeee! She told me I was only 1 cm and that my cervix was really posterior. Hence the reason it hurt so bad. She said I was softening up nicely but didn't think I was going to be going into labor anytime soon.

SHOOT! Not what I wanted to hear! I mean, I was ready to be done with this pregnancy. It's been a very healthy pregnancy but I was just ready to meet my little guy.

We discussed my blood pressure and she was a little concerned. My urine wasn't showing any traces of protein, so that was good. She wanted the nurse to check it again before we headed over to labor/delivery for a NST. So my midwife left and the nurse came back in. My blood pressure came down a titch, but was still too high for comfort.

I got dressed and made the two minute trip down the road to the hospital. We registered and headed up to maternity. They got me hooked up to the monitors immediately. Since I couldn't chase Claire around the room, she chilled out in her stroller and played, ate, and chattered away.

 

Teddy looked fantastic! Thank God! My blood pressure, on the other hand, did not. It was still high. My midwife and I were hoping that after I settled down a little, it would come down, but it wasn't and I was starting to get a little nervous. They took me off the monitors so I could give another urine sample, along with some bloodwork.

Claire and I played while we waited. By this time it was 3:30. My first appointment started at 1:15. Claire had only had an hour nap and neither of us had eaten lunch. I called the nurse and she brought us some graham crackers. So we snacked on those while we waited for my results to come back.

Bloodwork came back just fine. Urine. Um, not so much. In the two hours since I gave my first sample in the doctors office, protein started to accumulate in my urine. Not a good sign.

After a little wait, my midwife showed up and discussed that I would most likely be staying the night and being induced in the morning. She was sure that this was all a sign of pre-eclampsia. She left us alone while she called the ob and came back with the official news: I was going to be induced. I called Matt and he left work. He had to stop at home and shower and pick up my bags. I called my mother who immediately left work and headed straight to the hospital (a 3 hour drive).

Damn!

As much as I wanted to meet this little guy, I was not looking forward to the induction itself. The good news was that I wasn't going to get the pitocin until the following morning. The plan was to have cervidil inserted and then start the pitocin in the am if my cervix did what it was supposed to do (soften and dilate). If not, another round of cervidil would be given and then pitocin would be started 12 hours afterwards.

Okay, seriously, I was frightened. I mean, I.was.scared. I was afraid I wouldn't respond to either rounds of cervidil and that the pitocin wouldn't work and then I would end up with a c-section. Surgery scares the crap out of me.
Anyways, Claire and I were moved to a delivery suite, the room where my darling Teddy bear was going to be born (hopefully). Nurses came in and went through all my paperwork, got my hep-loc placed, and went through the plan again. After we were "settled" Claire wrecked havoc by squealing and giggling and scattering all her toys around the room (thank God I brought her "hospital toy bag" with us).

It was about 6:15 when Matt finally arrived. I was exhausted. Claire had been such a good little girl, especially given the circumstances, but she is busy and she hadn't had a good meal since breakfast. Not to mention the fact that she was gettig tired.

My midwife came in around 6:30 and inserted the cervidil. I had to lay flat on my back for 2 hours in order for it to comform to my body. It was dreadful. My lower back had hurt for so long and that 2 hours on my back was hell. After that, I would be able to get up and move around as normal. I had to have this in for 12 hours. She told me that 2/10 women go into labor after cervidil is placed, and that 2 out of the remaining 8 usually had to have another one. She wished me well and told me to have the nurses call if I needed anything. She said she'd be back in the morning to take it out and see how I progressed.

My mom arrived around 7:30 and hung out a while before taking Claire home. Matt and I sat and talked about what the next day was going to bring. I told him my fears and he eased them, like always. He ordered some pizza and we sat in our room and ate as parents of one for the last time.

I decided to take a hot bath so I could get myself calm and relaxed because I knew I needed lots of rest for the day to come. The nurse came in and started my bath. After ten minutes or so she came back to check on it when she noticed the water was a yellowish-brown. Umm... no thanks! She immediately switched my room and got the other bath started for me. No discolored water this time!

Shortly after I got out, my mom called and asked to speak to Matt. Uh oh. That couldn't be good. Come to find out, the tank on the back of our downstairs toilet had cracked and there was water all over our downstairs hallway, closet, and down into our laundry room.

Fantastic!

I assured Matt that I would be fine and told him that he should go home and help my mom clean up and get some rest himself. He did as I asked... happy wife, happy life ;)

I settled down and watched a little tv. I snacked on some graham crackers and ginger ale. I finally passed out around 11:30.

My nurse came in to check on Teddy's heart rate around 2:30. I had been able to fall asleep all the other times she came in but I noticed a couple of contractions and I made myself stay awake to see if they were consistent. They were just little contractions, but stronger than the Braxton hicks that I've been experiencing for weeks on end. It seemed to me like they were semi-regular and when I realized that, I couldn't sleep. No way!

Could it be true?! Could my body be going into labor?! It seemed too good to be true. I watched the hours go by. I was running on adrenaline and while I knew it wouldn't last forever, I couldn't ignore what was going on with my body. I was far too excited and nervous and anxious. I wanted to get out of bed and start walking the halls. I knew I couldn't because I had to be monitored at all times while the cervidil was still intact.

At 6, my nurse came in and removed the cervidil. She confirmed that my contractions were definitely following a pattern and that they were getting regular and stronger. She measured me and said she thought I was 1.5 cm. She expressed that my cervix had come forward and that it was nice and soft. Looks like the medicine did it's job. Waahoo!

I had to lay down and be monitored for 20 minutes but after that I was allowed to get up and move around. First, I called Matt and told him what was going on and that he had better get his butt in gear. Knowing my midwife would be there soon, I got a quick shower and waited for the two of them to arrive. I got my ipad out and started jamming and bouncing on the medicine ball. I was determined to get this labor on the road.


And so it begins
My midwife arrived around 7:15 and I asked her if we could skip the Pitocin (because I felt like I was progressing beautifully on my own). She happily obliged. While I bounced, two of us talked for a while.

Goodness I love that woman!!

Matt arrived shortly after and after talking, we decided to check my progress. From 6:00 to 8:00, I had dilated (from 1.5 cm) to almost 4 cm! I was thrilled.

She asked me if I wanted her to break my water. She told me that she thought it would help get things moving along and since I wanted to avoid Pitocin, I agreed. After that interesting event (omg, it felt like I was peeing myself) my midwife left to see her patients at her office. My contractions got noticeably stronger almost immediately.

I continued to bounce on the ball. I loved having the upbeat music- it helped me focus. I concentrated on each and every contraction. In between them, I texted friends and family and that took my mind off the impending wave.

It was when I started to get really uncomfortable and had to focus my breathing, that I decided to hop in the tub. Laboring in the tub is incredible. It's relaxing and helped me focus on my body. During each contraction, Matt held the hand-held shower head on my belly button and it relieved a lot of the discomfort. I started to get over heated so I got out. The nurse came in to check lil man's heart and my blood pressure. Teddy looked great and my blood pressure was super high.

I had to get into bed for twenty minutes so she could get a trace of his heart rate. She thought that laying down may help my blood pressure. Once again, baby bear looked fantastic! However, my blood pressure wasn't. She let me get back in the tub. This time, I sat width wise in the tub (instead of length-wise). I rested my head on the back and slouched down indian-style to keep my pelvis as open as possible.

Through each contraction, Matt was there telling me how amazing I was doing, all while holding the shower head on my belly button.  He is such an amazing birth doula!

Believe me when I say that this labor was the most incredible experience in my entire life. I mean, I could actually feel my precious baby move through the birth canal. It was unbelievable. Absolutely amazing.

I continued telling myself that my baby was coming into the world and each contraction brought me closer to meeting him. I told myself that my body is strong and it knows exactly what it is doing. Birth affirmations, anyone? I breathed in slowly through my nose and out slowly through my mouth. Pushing/breathing the pain away with each exhale.

It was about 10:30 when my midwife came back in to check on me. I was getting super strong contractions, but nothing like I had experienced with Claire's labor. She had me hop out of the tub and she checked me once more. I had asked the nurse to run me a new bath because it was getting kinda funky. If you've had a baby before, you know what I'm talking about.

I was 6-7 cms this time. I felt slightly disappointed and very nervous because I knew that transition was coming and I knew it was the hardest part of labor. They had me lay down for 10 minutes to get another trace on Teddy. Being on my back was terrible. It was this position that brought back labor, something that is far more painful (in my opinion) than any contraction. My midwife said she had 3 more patients to see and that she would be back in about 45 minutes. She left and I got out of bed and started heading back to the tub.

At this point, the contractions had intensified by one thousand and I was trying to figure out how to be most comfortable during each one. Once I made it to the bathroom, I leaned over onto a little chair and held onto it's handles and squatted as far down as I could... though my knees were barely bent. I did this for 3 or 4 contractions.

I remember my nurse standing in my room, doing something... I don't know what. But I screamed. Oh no! OMG! I HAVE TO PUSH! I grunted and cried. I groaned and my body pushed instinctively, all on it's own.

My nurse told me to try to hold back my pushes and she ran out the door to call my midwife. I stood in the bathroom and moaned and tried to hold my body back from doing the most natural thing it knows. I wasn't able to control myself each time. I have absolutely no idea how my midwife got to the hospital so quickly. She seriously must have sprinted from her office, which is about a block down the street from the hospital. I think she may have only been gone twenty minutes. She checked me while I was standing up and said I was complete, only a small lip of cervix left. She had me make my way out to the bed. She let me push a couple times standing up while they got all everything set up.

I really, really didn't want to get into that bed. I think it was because I was afraid of pushing. I pushed for two hours with Claire and I really feared that it was going to happen this time around.

Despite my fears, I got myself into bed and with the next contraction, I pushed. Not a great one, but I pushed. Next one came and I pushed as hard as I could have pushed. And I could not stop pushing. Matt looked at me and told me to breath. I didn't want to let it go. I felt him coming and I just wanted him out. My midwife and nurse told me to take a break and breath, and that they could see his head.

The next contraction came and I pushed with all my might. I remember screaming and then hearing him cry.

At exactly 11:30 am, my beautiful Theodore entered the outside world! Happy Birthday baby boy! Oh yeah, happy birthday to me too! Yes, we share a birthday!!

He was placed on my chest, where he stayed for the next half hour. Matt cut the cord after it stopped pulsating. I delivered the placenta (on my own this time). I had to have a few stitches and I felt each and everyone of them! Owww weeeeee!


After trying to nurse him, I gave Matt a chance to hold our new son. The nurse noticed he was making a funny noise so she took him to the nursery to check on him. He seemed to be doing fine, so she brought him back to our room.

In the meantime my in-laws arrived with Miss Claire. She was absolutely amazed when she saw her little brother. She knew his name and immediately gave him a kiss. It made me cry. Seriously, it was the sweetest moment in my life.

She weighed and measured him. Mr. Theodore weighed 8 pounds and 5 ounces and was 21.25 inches long. What a big boy!

He was still showing some signs of distressed breathing, so my nurse took him back to the nursery. I was able to take a nap when everyone went to lunch. My parents and aunt arrived and we all went to see my little man. It was hard seeing him in the nursery and not be able to hold him. I wanted to hold him and nurse him and get to know him. But I couldn't. He had to be left alone to rest. I cried. A lot.

After an x-ray and a thorough check-up with the pediatrician, he was able to come back to his momma. He finally nursed and we've been in heaven since.

 

 

a holiday challenge

i'm not talking about a diet challenge. i'm talking about a give-your-heart type of challenge.

since matt and i got married, we vowed to always give at christmastime. not to one another, but to someone less fortunate. this will be our seventh year of giving. typically, we choose two kiddos from the angel tree at our post office- we've always picked a boy and a girl. we go shopping, bring the goods home and wrap them up. on a special date, we deliver the gifts to a designated drop-off location. it's the best feeling ever.

sadly, last year, we didn't do any and i feel terrible about it. we were in a rough spot due to matt's injury and work situation and we didn't feel like we were in the position to do it. but now, when i think about it, we could have done something. after all, something is better than nothing.

this year will be different. we will be giving to three little ones. one for each one of us. if that means we don't buy as much for claire, that's a-okay. she has everything she needs plus so much more.

when you work in the school district, you see a lot of children in sad positions. so many of the student's clothes are tattered, dirty, and too small for their growing bodies. it breaks my heart. i tend to see a lot in the school i work in and it's something i will ever get used to.

so, friends, i challenge you to give. give to someone less fortunate this season. wether you donate time, money, food to a pantry, or gifts to a local charity {or the toys for tots}. do something. please. there are so many children who deserve to have a warm meal and something under their tree on christmas morning. you can make that happen.

Pregnancy: this time around

i'm going to preface this by saying that i feel as every bit blessed by this pregnancy as i did when i was pregnant with claire. please believe this.

but lets be honest here.

the excitement and all the magic i felt when i was pregnant with claire is something i just cant seem to achieve this time around. it's not because i'm less happy or anything of the sort, but i think it has more to do with the fact that i have a child to care for. i don't have time to sit and daydream about my growing baby.

we wanted this pregnancy, and it happened after only trying a couple of times. i think i had my post-pregnancy period three times and then BOOM! it happened exactly when we wanted and we were thrilled. matt's reaction was fantastic (a lot better than the last time) and we've been thrilled since.

the weeks are flying by. seriously, flying by. i cannot even begin to believe that i'm going to be 18 weeks {in 3 days} and that we are going to find out baby's sex in 11 days!

i started feeling sick at 5.5 weeks {the exact same time i did with claire} and just recently started feeling better within the last couple of weeks. i've lost about 16 pounds and my appetite is yet to return. when i do eat, it's garbage. i do enjoy bananas, oranges, and clementines on a daily basis  :)

remember how exhausted you were when you were pregnant?! now try to imagine that times infinity. seriously, infinity. thankfully claire started sleeping through the night a few days after i stopped nursing her- she was right about 11.5 months. i still need to take a nap when i get home from work. if i don't get that nap, oh brother, all hell breaks loose.

i feel bad because not only is my energy not returning, i'm feeling more and more bitchy cranky each day. this causes me to be more impatient, even with my sweet little girl. makes me feel like the worst mother ever. ugh.

here's a bump shot from monday, it's a bit grainy because i took it with my ipad but oh well!

Claire's first birthday.

So I have a one year old.

Wow. 

How did that happen? Where did the time go?

I can't really answer either of those questions but I can tell you that it's been an amazing ride. More incredible and wonderful than I could have ever anticipated, or even dreamed of. I can't say that our life is perfect, because it isn't... not even close. However, I can say that we are beyond blessed for so many reasons and so many of those blessings stem from the greatest little person I've ever known.

I dreamed up a lot of things for Claire's birthday day but for some reason I had a hard time materalizing most of the things that I envisioned. I blame it mostly on the fact that I've been feeling miserable due to the tiny baby growing inside me. Even though certain details were missing {in my mind} we had the perfect party, for the most perfect little princess! 

catching up.

a few weeks have went by since i shared our little secret and while i really don't have intentions of doing weekly updates like i did with claire, i would like to periodically check in with an update. i am also going to try blogging a little more. its hard with everything i'm up to but it is something i enjoy and i really need to start doing a thing or two for myself.

i hit the big ol' 13 weeks on monday, which means we're almost though the first trimester. waahoo! im still sick sick sick! i literally at 4 baby carrots, 2 celery {single} stalks, half and apple and some tortilla chips yesterday. i force myself to drink water when i can stomach it. i don't throw up, but most days i wonder if i should just force myself to... perhaps i might feel better? 

we had our monthly checkup with my midwife and we got to hear our little pumpkin's heartbeat. it still hasn't hit me that this time next year i'll be toting around a 19 month old AND a 6 month old babe. 

we celebrated claire's birthday with a big party (must upload some pictures to share) and it was the perfect fall day. we have been busy with playing outside in the sunshine and leaves, visiting pumpkin patches and enjoying claire. speaking of her, that little girl is smart as a whip. i'm sure every parent thinks that, but goodness gracious! she amazes me on a daily bases. i swear she talks like an older toddler and the things/mannerisms she exhibits is unreal. for example, the other day she spilled her cheerios... she cleaned them up... without me asking her to! like where on earth did she learn that?! 

matt taught her how to "jump" and it's the funniest/cutest thing EEE VAAA! she kinda just bends her legs and then stands up really straight, really quickly. ahh haha funny stuff peeps! she also started saying "hi" this past week and it's so stinkin' adorable. she says it in the most high pitched, girliest voice   i've ever heard.

we recently started teaching her animal noises and she seems to be picking up on them rather quickly. she can moo like a cow, pant like a dog (adorable!), and ah ah ahh like a monkey thus far. when i ask her "what does a duck say" she tell me "du du du" (duck duck duck). ohh the warmth she brings to my heart!

well folks, i think that's about all i have for tonight. i have to go fold about 5 loads of laundry. i've already decided that it's not going to get put away tonight, but i'm going to at least get it folded and ready for matt to take upstairs {he doesn't let me take things up and down the steps... other than claire}.

goodnight {or good day} friends!

Hello again and some good news!

remember us?! it's been a super long time since i've written anything. life is crazy. like more crazy than i could have ever imagined. claire is going to be 1 in less than two weeks and work and my college courses. ay yi yi!

claire is walking and talking and doing all these wonderfully awesome things that blow my mind each day. she knows 8 signs, says 8 words. signing really has fallen by the wayside since a lot of the signs i taught her were basic communication words than she can speak now.

claire is super de duper tiny. people are always shocked when i tell them how old she is. she's still not 17 pounds and still wears mostly 3-6 month clothes. she is starting to fit into her 6-12 month clothes... it's really hit and miss though.

we are planning a massive birthday bash. complete with a white tent, cotton candy machine, and other super amazing goodies! we figured we would go all out since this was going to be her only birthday party as an only child... yeah you just read that right. Claire's going to be a big sister!

her baby brother or sister is due in april and we are over-the-moon excited! we started trying and i just assumed it would take us a while since i was still breastfeeding... two months after my cycle started... BOOM!! we really wanted a spring baby and God answered our prayers. i'm ten weeks today :) 

i don't know if i'm going to do weekly posts, mostly because i just don't have the time, but i am going to make it a priority to write something to this sweet lil babe growing inside me.

until next time, i can't wait to start posting again and look forward to catching up with all of you!!!

another major roadblock

 if you have followed me for a while you probably remember when my husband had his accident and then had two surgeries to fix his severely broken radial head. if not, you can catch up here.

well, lo and behold, his arm is screwed up again. bad. so bad that he's going under the knife, yet again. yes, a third surgery. the third surgery in less than one year.

the doctor who did the second replacement, dr. k. told him that he's fairly certain that the muscle detached itself from the humerus (the big bone in your upper arm). but, he's not positive because the MRI and x-rays couldn't show anything due to the metal in his arm. the muscle is basically hanging out somewhere in his forearm banging against his nerves causing a tremendous amount of pain and discomfort. he cant do a damn thing with his right hand. nothing. its just terrible.

dr. k. told him that in order to fix it he would have to do surgery and that he would be off of work for at least three months, and could be off as long as six months. crap. yeah, he's going to be off of work again. i'm not working and when i do go back to work, he, is most likely, going to be in a splint that keeps him from using the muscle. the splint will bend his wrist so that his fingers are pointing straight up. try that for a minute... is it uncomfortable? yeah, well he's going to have that splint on for at least six weeks. six weeks people!! we will be physically incapable of using that arm and hand for six weeks.

we are going to see another specialist in pittsburgh on july 1st for a second opinion.

and to make matter even worse...

since it's considered "the same injury as last year" he won't get short-term disability and will skip right to long-term. this means that he will not only be getting 60% of his pay, but we will also have to pay for our health insurance out-of-pocket. as you know, that stuff isn't cheap. like it's over $350/months.

and it gets worse...

his current job position is on the line. it's very possible that he will lose his current position due to the length of time he will be missing. he's been at this job for 6 years. he's next in line to be a "first helper" which means more responsibility and more pay. this is how it works...

there are 3 shifts on matt's unit (where he works). there are 3 people on each shift- a operator (supervisor), the first helper (right hand man), and pumper (what Matt is now). There are also 2 shift breakers, which cover people shifts if someone is sick or is on vaca. The shift breakers are called in when needed to be the pumper. When they aren't called in on the unit they are working "in the yard"- doing odd jobs around the refinery. when they are in the unit they make "unit rate" which is $23/hour and when they are in the yard, they make "yard rate" which is $17/hour. understand?

if he lost his current position, he would most likely be demoted to a shift breaker. he would basically be making $17/hour. now, before you think i'm being crazy and ungrateful (because it could be worse, i realize) hear me out. if he lost that extra income, we would be so close to not being able to pay our bills.  we bought a house, a new car, and occurred other debt with the understanding that he would always be making 'X' amount per hour. since i only work half-time, i never have a steady paycheck to rely on. i am scared shitless.

i'm scared matts arm will never heal and he'll be in and out of the operating room frequently. i'm scared that our bills are not going to be paid on time and we'll go to collections. i'm scared that matt's going to lose the job he's worked so hard to get. i'm scared that i'm not going to be as strong as i need to be for matt.

these next couple of months are going to be tough and i'm continually telling myself that if 'God has brought it to us, He will bring us through it'. i know there are people who are far worse off, so please don't think i'm being insensitive or ignorant. i pray for those people each.and.every.night.

claire is going to be our little blessing through this all. she brings so much joy and sunshine to our lives and i'm so incredibly happy that she's here to remind us how truly blessed we really are. we may not be able to do fun things, or pay a bill here and there over the next few months, and all the uncertainties may shake us to our core, but there are two things i know for sure...

1. i love my family, and they are my world. as long as we are healthy then i have everything i need.
2. God is great and he will provide. He will keep us in the palm of His hand. we will make it through this trying time.

i hate to beg but, please, please, please pray for us? pray that God would protect matt and guide the dr. to fix him for good. pray that matt will still have a job at the end of this. and that we will be able use this time together to see the blessing in our life and that we would become closer as a family and with God.

a huge THANK YOU to all of you. i love and appreciate each and everyone of you. may God bless you for your consideration and thoughtfulness.

and happy summer to you as well! hope you have a fun and exciting summer, filled with lots of smiles and fun with your little ones. stay safe friends!!

Remember Me?

wow! it has been a million and one days since i've blogged. my life in the past two months has been in extreme fast forward. like, it's seriously cray cray these days! claire is such an amazing little girl, but she is so darn busy!

she's everywhere... crawling like a mad woman, pulling herself up onto anything and everything- she doesn't even need something to hold on to-- a wall is just as easy to stand up against as the couch or loveseat. this week she started walking with her push walker. lord have mercy!

she is so so smart (if i do say so myself)! she's already signing people! she knows the following signs: more, all done, milk, hello, goodbye, & blows kisses. she seriously blows.my.mind! she seems to be getting close to signing 'eat' because she signs it after i show her. we are working on the following signs: eat, diaper, no, and thank you. of course she doesn't understand what 'thank you' means yet, but i am trying to teach her by asking to see whatever she is playing with, taking it from her (politely) and then saying & signing 'thank you'. we'll see how she does over the next few weeks.

ohh goodness, and this little girl... she's so silly! she loves to watch us and she imitates us all.the.time. she will imitate us when we stick our tongues out, make a fish face, blow raspberries, and 'click' our tongues. when she does, she thinks it's so funny and smiles super wide :D she knows the following people's names: momma, dadda, murphy, kiki (her kitty blabla doll), uncle bobby, and poppa. when we are where someone is she will look at them and smile. it is the sweetest thing EVER!

we have been half-assing sleep training. mostly i just nurse her and put her to bed, and if she wakes up in the process of me laying her down, i just let her cry it out. it was so hard the first few nights but it has gotten so much easier as the nights have went by.

i am in full party planning mode. our inspiration is our blabla doll, Kiki and we'll be doing a whimsical princess/ballerina party. i'm looking forward to her cake smash photo session! i found an old wooden highchair that i'm going to fix up. eeek! so much fun is about to commence. bittersweet though because i cannot believe how quickly time is going by :(

in other news...

matt's arm is in bad shape again and is probably going to have to have surgery a third time. we are beyond stressed about it. however, the pain and weakness that he's experiencing has to be taken care of before he is unable to use it at all. at this point we are just hoping praying for a miracle healing. say one for him, please? i just don't know why this happened once i was off for the summer and not bringing home any moola. God certainly has been testing us and i hope we are making him proud by letting him guide us and direct us. it's hard to let go of things, especially when it comes to matt's health and well-being.

good news is that i will be going back to work in august, and working until the new year and then i'll be student teaching!! i am so incredibly excited to be done with college... the end is in sight! waahoo!

well friends, i hope to be back before too long, if not keep up with me on instagram :)